Its been a long summer but finally the return to Amherst is just around the corner. I haven’t wasted a single minute of the summer and it would be socially irresponsible if i did not publish my works. I managed to acquire a research fellowship with Princeton University studying the effects of changing a single letter on the content of a sentence. (False, i did however work at Princeton University and spent much of the time sitting on a folding chair at a given table in front of said building over yonder so in the spirit of the higher learning institution at which i was employed i chose to do valuable research on my own time.)

INTRODUCTION

For billions of centuries people have been speaking english. The language is used almost every day, in various capacities, and is particularly valuable to the populations of the island known as America. Initial research suggested that the use of the language had almost no negative side effects(Yeats, W.B. 1923;Shakespeare, Billy 1617) and in fact had a strong correlation to a high standard of living (Wu, Tang et al., 1991). More recent longitudinal studies however have shown that certain words (fuckblaster, sackbagger cockmachine,Robert Wood Johnson?) “will not be tolerated in this house under this roof under these rules” (Cherry, Zachary 1987). The present study seeks to examine closely the syntactic and contextual effect of adding subtracting or swapping a single letter from a sentence.

PARTICIPANTS

1 incredibly bored(and sexy[as reported by onlookers]) employee of Princeton University.

PROCEDURE

Participant was given multiple sets of sample conversations and asked to alter the meaning of the sentences in whatever way he saw fit by adding subtracting or swapping 1 letter per sentence.The participant was asked to then giggle quietly to himself and quantify the magnitude of the change on a scale of 1-10. Attached are the sample conversations followed by the subjects changes.

RESULTS

SAMPLE 1

Reporter: President Clinton how do you respond to these allegations?

President: I have not had sex with any interns.

SUBJECTS VERSION

Reporter: President BLINTON how do you respond to these allegations?

President: I have not had sex with any interns.

(It should be noted that at this point the subject was given further instructions and asked to make more fundamental changes, his second attempt follows)

Subject Redo

Reporter: President Clinton how do you respond to these allegations?

President: I have not had sex with MANY interns.

SAMPLE 2

Son: Hey mom what can i help you with?

Mother: Could you please turn this lamp on?

SUBJECTS VERSION

Son: Hey mom what can i help you with?

Mother: Could you please turn this tampon?

(When asked to elaborate on the meaning of the second sentence the subject simply replied “We’ve all been there haven’t we” and shook his head)

SAMPLE 3

Guy:I don’t understand why i should do this. This makes me uncomfortable.

A Utilitarian:Ah, but it is for the public good!

Subjects version

Guy: I don’t understand why i should do this. This makes me uncomfortable.

A Utilitarian: Ah, but it is for the pubic good!

FINAL SAMPLE

Father: If i EVER catch you hunting a bear I’ll be furious.

Son: Fine dad.

SUBJECTS VERSION

Father: You are a terrible son.

(at this point the subject began to weep heavily and was asked to leave immediately.)

CONCLUSION

Nobody knows.

REFERENCES

http://amhpub.amherst.edu/zcherry10/

http://yalelawjournal.org/

http://pollypocket.everythinggirl.com/garden/garden.aspx

http://www.science.com