This past weekend, I was unhappily forced to journey back to the snow drifts of Buffalo, New York, my hometown.  The reasons were varied and sundry, but let’s just say it was largely the fault of the snake pictured below.

Fiona Brown, the snake whose fault this all was.
Just kidding.  I was overjoyed to go back.  [...]

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This movie is an obscenity. It was so bad. Watching this, I was offended that the director, writers, and whoever else had a hand in brewing this putrid stew thought they could get some laughs and some tears and some applause out of me. Apparently all you need to do to make $400 million is put a handful of attractive bad actors in front of a small rodent holding a camera, ask them to say “peas and carrots” repeatedly, and show a naked penis.

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