This past weekend, I was unhappily forced to journey back to the snow drifts of Buffalo, New York, my hometown.  The reasons were varied and sundry, but let’s just say it was largely the fault of the snake pictured below.

Fiona Brown, the snake whose fault this all was.
Just kidding.  I was overjoyed to go back.  [...]

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This movie is an obscenity. It was so bad. Watching this, I was offended that the director, writers, and whoever else had a hand in brewing this putrid stew thought they could get some laughs and some tears and some applause out of me. Apparently all you need to do to make $400 million is put a handful of attractive bad actors in front of a small rodent holding a camera, ask them to say “peas and carrots” repeatedly, and show a naked penis.

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I personally do not enjoy looking another man’s penis. I don’t. It doesn’t make me feel comfortable. Indeed, it makes me feel rather uncomfortable. I feel like my aversion to penises is not curious or unique. It is simply the way I feel when confronted with a dick.

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Watching Hors de Prix made me feel small and naïve. It made me feel unworldly and inexperienced with film and cinema and actors and writing and stories. It made me feel like I have no idea what the fuck I am talking about. I am still pretty sure I don’t.

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Ridley Scott’s Blade Runner was released twenty-five years ago. It is based on a novel written forty-four years ago. The author on whose work the film is based is dead. So is the film’s cinematographer. Why, then, am I reviewing this movie? Further, why should you care?

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The Counterfeiters
Directed by Stefan Ruzowitzky
In German with subtitles
I really wanted to love this film. I wished for nothing more than to agree with almost every critic who has reviewed The Counterfeiters, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences that awarded it the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film, the world community at large [...]

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“Whatcha got ain’t nothin new. This country’s hard on people, you can’t stop what’s coming, it ain’t all waiting on you. That’s vanity.”
This addition to the growing and already gratuitous body of secondary literature surrounding the film “No Country for Old Men,” directed by Joel and Ethan Coen, will no doubt disappoint readers looking for [...]

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