Apparently the beginning of Manchester City’s shopping spree to end all shopping sprees begins with Gerrard, Villa, Ribery, Benzema. Wayne Bridge. Sure he’s a nice player, but he’s hardly the caliber of some of the names bandied about Manchester in the past months. Damnit, when Arab oil sheiks enter any market we don’t just expect them to throw money at the problem, we expect them to through ludicrous amounts of money at the biggest, crassest, most tasteless things money can buy. In this case, we’re expecting a Football Manager lineup consisting of 10 Ronaldinho clones and Gigi Buffon. But Wayne Bridge? Hell, Wigan could afford Wayne Bridge. This is what they get with their filthy lucre? If Wayne Bridge is the biggest splash they can muster, I’d rather listen to a bar full of USC fans bitch about the BCS than pay attention to the window.

But even if Man City don’t spend like Brian Cashman after a coke binge, they can still pay like a champion. In case you’re wondering, Wayne Bridge is now the highest-paid left back in the world at £100,000 a week. Which is a problem considering that a week ago he wasn’t the best left back on his team. Just as a little thought exercise, spend the next 10 seconds thinking of left backs better than Wayne Bridge and see how many you can name.* Exactly…there are a bunch, and some of them aren’t all that good themselves. If Man City is willing to give that much money to a mediocre fullback (just about the least important position on the field), what on earth will they give to someone who can actually score goals? Assuming, that is, that they can throw enough money at a Villa-level player to come play for the shitty Manchester team. I’m guessing that he pulls down 200k plus Elano as a manservant. If one comes, that is.

Shame on you, Man City, for not holding up your end of the bargain. The only reason to have fantastically rich folks (as opposed to the merely rich) buy a soccer team is so that they can blow huge wads of money on aging/overrated/moody superstars and we can watch them implode. Man City has the implosion part down pat (Hello Nottingham Forest…haven’t seen you in a while!), but this is just the normal sort of implosion: a team “too good to go down” flirting with relegation. Damnit, that’s Tottenham’s job. No, we demand an epic implosion that makes the Dallas Cowboys look like amateurs. But, for an epic implosion, we need epic signings. Come on City, we know you can do it.

*Off the top of my head in 10-ish seconds: Ashley Cole, Chelsea (of course!); Gael Clichy, Arsenal; Eric Abidal, Barcelona; Joan Capdevila, Villarreal; Maxwell, Inter; Lahm, Bayern (can play either side); Christian Pander, Schalke (ditto), Kleber, Santos/Brazil; Marcelo, Real Madrid.