It’s mid-September, and that can only mean one thing: Spurs’ season is over before it starts again. Okay, okay, two things; that and the start of the Champions League group stages. As usual, the teams are reassuringly familiar: Four from the “Big 3″ leagues, a smattering of German and French sides, and of course, league champions from middling countries that have no business playing Man U et. al. (I’m looking at you BATE Borisov).

Sadly, this is the last year of the current format. Michel Platini’s term as UEFA president has been marked by shameless attempt after attempt to ingratiate himself with smaller FAs at the expense of good soccer, and the Champions League is no different. Starting next year, the national champions from the 13th-53rd ranked leagues will go through a separate qualification system that prevents them from meeting non-champions from better leagues (for the coefficients, and an explanation of how they’re calculated, look here). Five spots in the group stage will be reserved for these teams

If all this sounds confusing (and it is), think of it this way: the teams people actually want to see will have a much harder path to qualification, while the champions of, say, the Azerbaijani league will have a much easier path to qualification. Expect less Fiorentina and Atletico Madrid and expect more Anorthosis Famagusta. I can’t wait!!!!!

On to groups A-D (Tomorrow’s televised game is Chelsea-Bordeaux… Barcelona-Sporting looks as if it’ll be streamed on ESPN.com)

Group A (FWIW, in order of predicted finish)

Chelsea: blah, blah, blah, easy qualification for the knockout round, blah, blah, blah

Roma: As usual, Roma will be interesting to watch–there’s no team that relies on one player as much as Roma relies on Francesco Totti–but, again, this is a team that should qualify for the knockouts with little trouble

Bordeaux: As you might imagine, if Chelski and Roma qualify, Bordeaux won’t, which is a shame. It was Bordeaux, not the vaunted Marseilles, that pushed Lyon to the wire last season, and they did it with a largely unheralded roster. The only household name on the sqaud is, uh, Alou Diarra. You know, there actually isn’t a household name on the roster, which makes their success even more intriguing. Given their group, they’ll have to be intriguing in the UEFA cup.

CFR Cluj: I have nothing remotely intelligent to say about the Romanian league champions, and if you say you do, you’re lying.

Group B.

Inter Milan: The club from the blue half of Milan is, incredibly, the only Milan team in this year’s Champs League. The winners of the last three scudetti (well, they didn’t exactly win in 2006, but Juventus and Milan were both DQ’d thanks to the Calciopoli scandal) have consistently underachieved in the Champions League (perhaps Serie A isn’t as strong as advertised). Now, with new manager Jose Mourinho, they should still underachieve, but they’ll underachieve while playing ugly, cynical soccer. Even with that said, they’ll progress out of the group stage with no trouble.

Werder Bremen: Werder never misses an opportunity to miss an opportunity. Their struggles to win the Bundesliga are well known, but they’re no less snake-bit in the Champions League. Last year, they drew a group consisting of them, Olympiakos, Real Madrid and Nazio. Somehow, somehow, they managed to finish third in the group, dropping both games to Olympiakos by a combined score of 6-1. I think that Werder can handle Anorthosis Famagusta in their first game, and as much as I’ll regret it, I think they can beat out the other Greek team, Panathinaikos for the second group stage place.

Panathinaikos: Well, they’ve got Gilberto Silva. He’s pretty much the only guy on the team whose name I feel comfortable spelling. To be frank, I don’t really think they have a chance.

Washington Generals Anorthosis Famagusta: I suppose it’s unfair to compare them to the Harlem Globetrotter’s erstwhile opponents, but it’s not far from the mark. The Cypriot champions are, well, not very good. If you see that handballing bastard Torsten Frings (not the slightest bit bitter over the 2002 World Cup quarterfinal) whistling “Sweet Georgia Brown” on the pitch tomorrow, you’ll know why.

Group C

Barcelona: Billy Beane’s “shit doesn’t work in the playoffs” and Barcelona’s shit doesn’t seem to work in La Liga this year. As interesting as it is to build a team composed of nothing but attacking midfielders, tricks on top of tricks doesn’t really work when the other guys can play defense. In La Liga, most, if not all, of the teams are good enough at defense to limit the efficacy of this tactic. The Champions League group stage is another matter altogether.

Shaktar Donetsk: You might be wondering why Shaktar is in Sporting Lisbon’s spot. Shaktar, just like Dynamo Kyiv, CSKA and Zenit St. Petersburg is one of the best teams you’ve never heard of. From top to bottom, this team has quality players: Bogdan Shust, Ilsinho, Razvan Rat, Darijo Srna, enough quality to surprise people this year. As Charles XII found out, Ukraine has terrible weather, and by the end of the group stages, visitors might find a trip to Olimpiyskyi a chilling prospect.

Sporting Lisbon: Sporting Lisbon is a good team–a team with Joao Moutinho and FM 2008 hero Miguel Veloso in the midfield can’t help but be good–but beyond their midfield, I wonder about their strength. Their keepers aren’t bad, ditto for their forwards, but there’s a big gap between “not bad” and “good enough.”

FC Basel: Roger Federer doesn’t play soccer. Sorry.

Group D (The “D” is for “Death”)

Atletico Madrid: Is there a team in the world more fun to watch than Atleti? The other Madrid club managed a fourth place finish on the basis of a great offense and no defense. Simao Sabrosa and Maxi Rodgriguez make this offense a force to be reckoned with. Sergio Aguero, the best Argentinian in La Liga (yeah, I said it), makes the offense sublime. When Aguero is on, and thanks to the defense, he’s frequenly on, there’s not a player in the world who looks more dangerous with the ball–not even Adrian Peterson. This is not dangerous in the Ronaldinho “dribble around in circles” way we’re talking about here.  No, when Aguero gets the ball he looks to score. And he does. Youtube him…you won’t be disappointed.

Looking back on the team as a whole, they look destined to run up against team, say Inter or ManU that will take advantage of their defensive issues. For the time being however, they’ll run circles around their group opponents, even if group D is the strongest in the tournament.

Liverpool: This seems just about right for a Liverpool team that’ll be going through the motions in the group stage. A team that frequently starts Dirk Kuyt shouldn’t advance on general principle, but they will.

PSV Eindhoven: In keeping with Dutch law, PSV is a young, exciting team that plays attractive soccer. Much like Sporting Lisbon, this isn’t a bad team, but they’re just not good enough to beat the top half of their group.

Marseille: L’OM have assembled a squad that could challenge for the Ligue 1 title this year.  Ligue 1 kinda sucks. In another group, this team might have an outside shot at the knockout round, but not here. Mamadou Niang, Lorik Cana and Taye Taiwo, among others, are all good players, but it ultimately comes down to the opposition. Are they better than Los Colchoneros? No. Are they better than the Reds? No. Are they better than PSV? Maybe.