After a raft of more useless than normal international friendlies, club soccer is back with a bang (or, in the case of the MLS a sad, pathetic, whimper). If you’re a gooner, far more important than any of the results this weekend is the mysterious central midfielder Wenger keeps promising to sign. Just like McCain and Obama’s veep picks, everyone has a prediction, but no one has an answer. Is it Gokhan Inler from Udinese? Xabi Alonso from Liverpool? Villa’s Gareth Barry? Some “16″ year old gymnast who’s never seen a soccer ball in their life? My prediction: Arsenal’s new midfielder will be Joe Biden and Obama’s running mate will be Miguel Veloso from Sporting Lisbon (or, you know, the other way ’round).

On to the games…

Games of note:

Saturday:

Russian Premier League:

Spartak at Dinamo. The unions take on the secret police (the original sponsors of Spartak and Dinamo) in this match, just one of thirty Moscow derbies on the Russian schedule at the Luzhinki, home of “plastic pitch” England’s finest couldn’t deal with in Euro quals. The match finds both teams a bit more than halfway through their fixture list (the Russian league ends very early to avoid winter weather. If Russian winters are too intense for Napoleon, they’re too intesnse for Arshavin) and in good position to capture one of Russia’s three European places. Dinamo sits in second, the last Champions League place, while Spartak is even with Akmar Perm for the only UEFA cup spot. Dinamo, 2-0.

Bundesliga.1:

Schalke at Werder Bremen.  Whoever wins this match will have the inside track on challenging Bayern until February, followed by a epic collapse down the stretch. For the American neutral, this match is a toughie to watch. On the one hand, Bremen’s Torsten Frings’s illicit handball inside the box kept the USMNT out of the semifinals of the 2002 World Cup. On the other hand, the US played the Czech Republic in the 2006 World Cup at Schalke’s home ground in Gelsenkirchen, and that brings back all sorts of bad memories (is it a problem if I see Jan Koller heading the ball in over Oguchi Onyewu in my nightmares every time I close my eyes?). The teams are somewhat evenly matched on paper, but this match is important, which means that Schalke’s ace striker, Kevin Kuranyi, will play like shit. Werder 2-1.

EPL:

Hull at Blackburn. Last week match’s against Fulham aside, we all know that Hull will be very hard-pressed to stay up. Despite their win at Everton, I can’t help but to feel that Blackburn is in similar, if not nearly as dire, straits. Come May, we might be looking on this early-season clash as a full-fledged relegation “six-pointer.” At any rate, tomorrow Blackburn should dispatch Hull. If they don’t, this could be a looooong season for the Rovers. Blackburn, 3-1.

SPL:

Rangers at Aberdeen. Aberdeen finished 4th in the SPL last season. Could this be the year that the “New Firm” (Aberdeen and Dundee)  challenges the Old Firm for silverware? No. Rangers, 4-2.

MLS:

San Jose at Chivas USA. It’s not the California Derby (San Jose v. Galaxy) and it’s not the Superclasico (Chivas v. Galaxy). The only leg of the MLS California triangle with no hatred involved (I mean, people in the Bay Area hate the real Chivas, but not its MLS stepchild), it’s also a match between the two worst teams in the league. Since both teams kinda suck, I figure the outcome will rest on other factors. Like this. The Earthquakes may suck, they may have an awful name. But we’ve got E-40, and that’s far more valuable than wins and losses. San Jose 3-2.

Sunday:

Russia:

Vladivostok at Saturn Moscow. Remember the old NFC West before the Houston Texans forced a NFL realignment? The division with teams from San Francisco, St. Louis, Atlanta, New Orleans and Charlotte? Well, Luch-Energiya Vladivostok laughs at the 49ers’ travel bill. Vladivostok is closer to Australia than it is to Moscow, and it’s not very close to Australia. For some reason, Vladivostok has a horrid record away from home this season. Saturn, 2-0.

Monday

EPL:

ManU at Portsmouth. After the asskicking handed to them by ¢h€£$€a, it should be interesting to see if Portsmouth can pick themselves up against a strong ManU team. ManU did beat them in the Community Shield recently, but someone should tell Fergie that penalty shootouts aren’t allowed in league play. Even without Ronaldo, the Devils are probably good enough to hold off Pompey, even in Fratton Park. ManU 3-1.

-Ryan