I once read that Matthew Arnold’s Dover Beach is the most parodied work in English poetry (David Lehman, Best American Poetry 2007). Arnold’s speaker stands on the cliffs of Dover with his lover, looking out over the sea, questioning the underlying violence below love. It’s a classic.

It’s not surprising that Dover Beach is a popular subject for parody; what’s surpising is that some of those parodies are quite good. They don’t have Arnold’s gravitas, but they have a perspective that’s sometimes sorely lacking in poetry: a conscious yet free humor. In The Dover Bitch, Anthony Hecht lets that humor guide his contemporary version. It’s even good without the original.

The Dover Bitch

A Criticism of Life: for Andrews Wanning

So there stood Matthew Arnold and this girl
With the cliffs of England crumbling away behind them,
And he said to her, ‘Try to be true to me,
And I’ll do the same for you, for things are bad
All over, etc., etc.’
Well now, I knew this girl. It’s true she had read
Sophocles in a fairly good translation
And caught that bitter allusion to the sea,
But all the time he was talking she had in mind
The notion of what his whiskers would feel like
On the back of her neck. She told me later on
That after a while she got to looking out
At the lights across the channel, and really felt sad,
Thinking of all the wine and enormous beds
And blandishments in French and the perfumes.
And then she got really angry. To have been brought
All the way down from London, and then be addressed
As a sort of mournful cosmic last resort
Is really tough on a girl, and she was pretty.
Anyway, she watched him pace the room
And finger his watch-chain and seem to sweat a bit,
And then she said one or two unprintable things.
But you mustn’t judge her by that. What I mean to say is,
She’s really all right. I still see her once in a while
And she always treats me right. We have a drink
And I give her a good time, and perhaps it’s a year
Before I see her again, but there she is,
Running to fat, but dependable as they come.
And sometimes I bring her a bottle of Nuit d’ Amour.