The other day I went to the Health Center because I felt like the living dead and was terrified that I had mono (it’s okay, I don’t have mono). After filling out half a dozen forms, the nurse brought me into an exam room and the following conversation ensued:
Nurse: So your name is Ni, huh?
Me, automatically: You can call me Amy.
N: What did you say?
M: You can just call me Amy.
N: But Ni is your name isn’t it? It’s a beautiful name.
M: Yes well…
N: Everyone’s getting so Westernized these days…
At this point I just couldn’t let it go, and so I began to explain to her how in Chinese, nobody would call me “Ni.” They would always say “Pan Ni” (last name first) or if they felt like being extra cute, “Ni Ni.” Also, the Chinese language has four different inflections for each word, and my “Pan” is the first sound and my “Ni” is the second one. (Just to give an example of how important inflections are, take the word “Ma”: the first sound means “Mom,” the second “numb,” the third “horse,” and the fourth “to scold/yell at”).
I didn’t really tell her all that, and I also didn’t tell her that people did call me “Ni” all throughout first grade in America and that no one, no one ever pronounced it in a remotely beautiful manner.
She said, “Pan Ni.” (I didn’t tell her about the inflections, nor that Pan doesn’t rhyme with Anne in Chinese)
I said, “Er…right.”
She said, “Well my name is *Shawna*” (I didn’t put her real name here, but she made sure to emphasize it as if it were more legitimate and self-identifying than “Amy.” In fact, I think she said it twice.)
I think that at this point I just fell back into my pounding headache and stopped talking to her, until a little while later when she asked: “Where are you from?”
“New Jersey,” I tell her.
“I mean, where are your folks from?”
Only then did I get her meaning, and though I was tempted to say “New Jersey,” I said: “Oh, I’m Chinese.” Because that’s what she was asking.
I guess that bothered me a little. I mean, granted, “Where are you from?” sounds better than “What’s your nationality?” or “What are you?” but it has that kind of politically-correct “I’m not asking about your race I’m just asking where you’re from” mentality which hides the underlying idea that one “belongs” somewhere just because of his/her race. It’s like the idea that all Euroamerican black people feel a “special” connection with the continent of Africa, and while perhaps some do, others just don’t choose to identify themselves in that way.
Personally I was born in Beijing, and I am from China, and I feel a great sense of connection with Chinese people, and I still hate it when people ask me “Where are you from?” I want to say, “I am from more than one place.” Some Asians are offended when people ask them: “Are you Chinese/Korean/Japanese?” There are varying reasons for that, mainly that a lot of non-Asians simply assume that anyone typically Asian-looking is Chinese. I don’t mind it, really. It becomes a little guessing game, and it’s especially interesting between Asian people themselves. I get a lot of people telling me that I look Korean, which is always a laugh for all my Korean friends from high school.
I think that at least, it’s more honest and straight-forward than “Where are you from?”
And the fact that I want people to call me Amy has nothing to do with trying to become a “Westerner” and trying to erase the traces of my Chineseness.
I think that “Pan Ni” is a beautiful name, and it deserves to be pronounced correctly. My entire family has always called me “Pan Ni” and I would never want them to call me “Amy.”
I think “Amy” is a beautiful name and that it has become a part of me after 13 years, no matter what it says on my passport.
So unless your Chinese accent is superb and you actually know me, please, spare me the lecture. And until then, just call me Amy, thanks.
6 responses so far ↓
1 Stephen Stewart (sastewart09) // May 12, 2008 at 7:08 am
This was a great entry to read, Amy. Having had to email you several times over the last two semesters, I’ve always wondered why you were Amy yet something different came up every time I had to email you. Never wanting to cross bounds or Political Correctness lines, of course I never asked, but did always wonder.
Enlightening.
And something random: I think you have amazing hair.
2 Raizel (rbahr10) // May 12, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Great post!
3 caravan70 (dpshupe92) // May 12, 2008 at 9:40 pm
I shall be happy to call you Amy if you prefer it.
A wonderful post.
4 Jennifer Li (jli09) // May 13, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Wow, that health center lady is rather self-righteous, isn’t she.
I’ve encountered the same thing when my legal name used to be my Chinese name. “That’s so pretty, why don’t you use it?” I don’t use it because I don’t like hearing my Chinese name butchered over and over, all right? Eventually I got tired of telling people to call me Jennifer and explain so I just changed it legally (my Chinese name became my middle name, which people are less nosy about).
I’m also sick of people who obviously don’t know very much about Asians trying to tell us how we ought to preserve our culture or what not. Anyway, I enjoyed the post. Next time you should tell that lady off. ( Though maybe that’s not the best idea when you’re depending on her to get you physically well.)
5 hijodemauricio (jhebe10) // May 13, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Nice post!
I understand perfectly - it’s also easier for me to go by my middle name in the US, as it is less prone to being butchered. Although I have to say that people at Amherst tend not to mispronounce it quite as much as it has been elsewhere (… say, by immigration officers at the airport). I found out that the best way to deal with people like that Health Centre Lady is with spiked humour - say your name as it’s supposed to be pronounced, let her try it, butcher it, then let her know (with a hearty laugh, ideally) how much she failed. And reassure her that most people can’t anyway. Being categorized as ‘most people’ will probably discourage her from trying ever again.
This, of course, only works with those making the mistake out of naive ignorance. Maybe not a very sincere method of dealing with them, but it seems to work on the long term and to avoid all the frustration.
6 friedlin09 (friedlin09) // May 16, 2008 at 6:13 am
Names, schnames. You’d think in a country in which almost everyone uses a nickname or a short version of their name in place of their legal name (think Jack, Nick, Kate/Katie, Dick, etc) people would just call you whatever you prefer. People insist on pronouncing my name wrong, no matter how much I correct it. Instead of Freya, they like to say Free-a or Fray-a. I’ve also gotten Freeda a couple of times… I’ve tried to explain that ‘Friday’ was named after ‘Freya’ and thus ‘Frey’ is pronounced like ‘Fri’. Too difficult? I think not. But then, maybe I’m just boring people, cause they still don’t get it. Every once in a while they try to lecture me that Americans don’t pronounce it that way, and therefore I shouldn’t either… Interestingly enough, the opposite of your problem. I guess my name is to0 western to have it preserved
As a rule, I correct people three times, then I give up. So if I react to your saying my name with a resigned/exasperated look on my face - that’s probably why. My middle name is no help either - same problem there.
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