Dirty Word

A reader submitted text message exchange edited to protect texters’ identities–

XY: Hey whens ur bedtime tonight?
XX: Early enough not to [hook up with you again]
XY: [omitted] I wont date you so stop playing hard to get
XX: [omitted] I’m not playing hard to get, sweetheart. Don’t flatter yourself. I’m just saying no. Don’t bother texting back. You’ll just reinforce your bad rep
XY: When a girl comes back to my room at 3am its to fuck and not to make out. Were not in 7th grade anymore. Go watch Sex And The City to learn how an adult woman w      

And that’s where it ends with a lonely “w.” Damn you, texting character limits.

This woman does a lot right. She establishes and protects her boundaries, acts this man interprets as playing hard to get. He thinks, they’ve already made out, surely she wants him and this rejection is a game. When she corrects the suitor, he responds by further explaining her feminine utility, as a sex object alone, and by then more or less calling her a prude. An adult woman fucks (you’re welcome, Ryan).

This expectation that every woman secretly wants it (and that if she doesn’t something’s wrong with her) runs rampant on campus.

Ex. from the Amherst Confessional

“date rape shouldn’t count because girls on dates are usually playing hard to get and mean yes when they say no.”       

And to beat a dead horse, the same expectation informed lip sync entrants whose female characters were open for business but playing hard to get. The multiple suitors/one preening woman lip sync model necessitates a woman who wants to be won. She doesn’t choose the man, but the last man standing seizes her as his prize. Significantly, she can have only one man, though she may desire all. The winner claims the exclusive right to plant his flag in her territory.

So, women on this campus might be as stuck as ever. All these men in a rush to posit ideals of feminine sexuality and so much conflicting advice.  Don’t be a prude, but know that tight virgin pussy is the best, or, as my anonymous contributor explained, “when girls do fulfill the boys’ expectation of sex, they’re called sluts and deserve to be treated as sluts. You know, damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Or rather, slut if you do, prude if you don’t.”

You too can contribute anonymously to Dirty Word! Email me your stories at abrenner09@amherst.edu.

Plug: If you haven’t checked out Gender Trouble yet do so for other exchanges heard around campus.

No one wants to be a feminist anymore.  This is why: Feminists are man-hating lesbians. Feminists don’t want anyone to have fun.  Feminists are angry, abrasive, and unreasonable. Who would want to be a venomous, fun-sucking man-hater? Not you? Shocking.

I have little interest in myth-dispelling.  If I did, I’d be the wrong person for the mission. This feminist is angry, difficult, and not quite straight, and this feminist blog intends to go the Anna Brenner way–hasty, emotional, and sweeping.  Everything you’d expect from a woman.

I do intend to give Amherst a whole lot more credit than all of the above suggests.  Many if not most people here know what feminism means (I’ll spare you the dictionary definition here).  Many people of both sexes are willing to sport the feminist label.  Still, I’ve repeatedly had this conversation on campus:

Friend: No, I’m not a feminist.
Me: You believe in the equality of the sexes, don’t you?
Friend: Of course. 

And inevitably, “friend” isn’t a feminist, because he or she thinks feminists are more upset or more proactive than he or she is, that feminism implies activism, and that gender inequality isn’t a very big problem anymore.

So, why I really think no one wants to be a feminist : no one wants to admit that sexism needs dealing with, or that our generation hasn’t magically transcended the centuries of misogyny preceding our enlightened twenties. Surely, we’re beyond this, right?

The decision to perceive sexism is a terrifying one, because not only do I promise you that you will start seeing it everywhere, but also because acknowledging that our culture is a sexist culture involves finding yourself pretty entangled in all that sexism.  Maybe you are more powerful or more powerless than you previously realized. Freaky, huh?

This blog intends to document sexism, misogyny, and homophobia (with all its shared roots) on Amherst’s campus with reader help.  If you email me your stories, I will post them anonymously.  I suspect, if almost three years of life at Amherst are any indication, that this won’t take much searching.  Through all this documentation maybe I, with reader assistance, will persuade some nonbelievers that sexism is alive and well and demanding a feminist butt-kicking.  Or, you know, maybe I’ll just stay really mad.

Venomously yours,
Brenner
Contact me at abrenner09@amherst.edu or through comments.